So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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