Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
