Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
