I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think your dad took our porno
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize