there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
