his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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