i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
