I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
