after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
