Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
