I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
