Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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