ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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