Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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