he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
