are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
