last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
