11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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