So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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