My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
