just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
