I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
