I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
