I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you win again, gameday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
