I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The ass gains better be worth it
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