I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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