Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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