In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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