I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize