Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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