let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
