Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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