Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
