I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
