at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
