Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
