Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
