I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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