I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize