just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
