so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
