No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize