did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
