That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
