What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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