there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Houston, we have a blender
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
