Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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