I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
