he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
