I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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