ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
