and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
