Only a mothe r could love this liver
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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