I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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