im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
