just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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