I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
