About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
