I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
