Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
