I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
