Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
