I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize