I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You ruined the universe
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
