she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
