he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
