Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
