It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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