is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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