bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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