he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize