i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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