You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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