he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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