yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
