good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
