So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
